Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
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Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
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I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize