I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
