I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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