Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
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You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
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It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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