my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
