For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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