I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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