I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
