he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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