oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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