member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
