Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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