and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize