Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
