Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
