I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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