My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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