the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
