Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
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