the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
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She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
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NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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