I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
