I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
