I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
