I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
