and you said cock pushups were impossible
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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