I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
