I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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