There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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