I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
