i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
