I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
