that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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