I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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