You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
