his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
