god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
