Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She even gives head with a lisp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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