too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
third nipple confirmed
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
