You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
