i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
