I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
