Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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