I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
