the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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