I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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