You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
