I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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