I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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