Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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