Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Can Purell be used as lube?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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