I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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