in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The uberlube is also flammable
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
