What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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