look no pants
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Randomize
