update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
how do flat chested girls get laid?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
