I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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