I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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