Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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