we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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