u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
