question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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