You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
