i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly