I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
