Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
Terrible brother advice.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.