Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.