What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
