how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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