the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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