omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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