If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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