No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
