All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
