hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I don't think brook has ever known best
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
