Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
