Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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