the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
