But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
