I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
