I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just want nice things and good sex
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
