How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
