toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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