So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
