plz talk dirty to me
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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