I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
50% drunk capacity currently
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
