I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize